LGBTQIA in Media

Go With The Chaos

Me as a super cute...cat?

Everyone has a crazy amount of responsibilities (work, bills, relationships, family, and all the extras), close environment (people with same views or those who give mean glares), and the political environment around us (aka the longest Twilight Zone episode). In this episode, we* talk about ways to cope with the chaos as feminists in conservative areas or anywhere.

*We meaning my kitty (Jules), puppy (Dottie), wine, and I.

Where's the Respect?

This ranty episode discusses topics ranging from wedding frustrations to social policy. Get ready to follow several tangents to get to the end.

Also, the name hasn't changed from WIC, that is the new name. The website was a bit confusing about the name change, so let me know if you could decode it.

Bonus Episode!

I talk about my secret agendas for 2017

1) Eliminate the stigma of being a feminist
2) Become more aware of the Ozarks (geography and ideologies)
3) Bring back the fanny pack!

Adventure Double Standard

In this week's episode, I talk about the fear of being attacked while walking alone, especially on trails. It also includes additional puppy notices and wine slurring!

Articles:

Are Runners Likely to be Targets of Violent Crime from Science Based Running

Facts and Statistics from National Sex Offender Public Website (NSOPW)

This is How Women Feel About Walking Alone at Night in Their Own Neighborhoods from Washington Post

Domestic Violence in the Ozarks Part 2

State Shelters: Arkansas: Taylor House
https://www.domesticshelters.org/ar/batesville/72503/family-violence-prevention-inc-taylor-house-for-men#.WQK3qKVOlnE
Taylor House Article
http://www.arkansasonline.com/news/2016/feb/11/batesville-nonprofit-opens-domestic-violence-shelt/?f=threerivers
Harmony House Website
https://www.myharmonyhouse.org/
RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network) Website
https://www.rainn.org/about-rainn

Hotline numbers:
Taylor House - (870)569-8024
Harmony House - (417)864-7233
RAINN - (800)656-4673

Let's Get This Party Started and Have a Thoughtful Conversation

So it's definitely been a minute since I have posted anything. Good thing is I have more motivation to build on intersectional feminism and, of course, piss off trolls!


Recently I went to a student discussion of Intersectional Feminism at the university I attend, which was amazing! The best part was, instead of being surrounded by white middle class women, there was a great mix of people, also know as an intersectional group. I heard some women (and men!) talking about oppression I will never experience. It was eye opening. Many of the women at our table told experiences of being stereotyped in department stores. Because they were not white, they could not walk in the store without eyes on them at all times. WTF!?

The best part of the discussion was talking about the different types of oppression and how they overlap. I am a woman; experienced sexism. I was lower class as a child; some opportunities were missed, but learned independence and hard work. I was not followed in a department store. No one has ever flinched from seeing me (someone said this happens to them, WTF!?). I ask questions when I please in class and my voice is heard.

In one of my favorite podcasts, The Guilty Feminist, Deborah Frances-White explains white men are, for the most part, not shy to raise their hand to give their opinion or ask a question. In a group made up of women, white women tend to be the first person to raise their hand. With this in mind, I did not raise my hand once during the macro discussion. What I learned was even though my voice was not heard in the large room discussion, no one exploded or was tragically disadvantaged from not getting my point of view! I understood the theology of traditional feminism, the oppression of women. I am ignorant in understanding the oppression experienced by people of color (Black, Latino, Hispanic, Asian, Middle Eastern, etc.) and LGBT.

I am so excited to see what the 3rd wave of feminism brings to our society. Every voice deserves to be heard. If you keep hearing your voice or those who 100% agree with you, it's time to sit down and listen or learn to facilitate conversations with those ignored.

This was a short one, but bet your bottom dollar there will be more next weekend about intersectional feminism! Have a great week and remember it's okay to shut up every now and then!

Sincerely,
Hillbilly Feminist

Guilty Feminist Moment #2

Vicariously Shaming

TV has ruined me! My vicarious living refuses to coincide with my feminist views. For instance, I have been watching a Netflix show, Peaky Blinders. Fabulous acting and scene set up, the show is based in England, 1919. we are only a half of season in. In this show there is an operative, Grace, working for the national coppers. She has been given a mission to seduce the head of the gang, Tommy, to get intell about the illegal activity. (Spoiler alert: she follows through with the mission then resigns, before turning down a proposal from her copper boss [ewwwy]. She has chosen to stay as bar-maid for Tommy's family bar and, I'm assuming, pursue the relationship with the gang leader.)

Well, I am officially at the point of wanting Grace to give up her values and fall in love with Tommy. I am even starting to not like her character for betraying Tommy...how messed up is that?! Instead of saying, "what a bad ass woman!" or "thanks to her, a major gang could be stopped," I am judging her. In my mind, she is not her character, but instead just a love interest.

I know this may sound ridiculous, but it is only one example of many times I have easily judged someone on the magic box. This makes it easier and easier to judge women around me.

Values Without Judgement

Since the election, I have had many discussions concerning abortion, something most people did not discuss before. I myself am pro-choice. As the phrase suggests, I will support your opinion of what abortion may be and what you chose with your reproductive organs. However, shaming or judging women with the opposite view or of those who have had an abortion will not be tolerated.

However, I can see why they may be so distraught about abortion. Imagine being told since you were a small child that abortion was murder of a beautiful, innocent baby. If I was conditioned that way, of course I would feel righteous in the fight against "baby murdering."

In one of my classes, a professor has chosen to use the classroom as a political platform. At one point asking I and another student if we were "right, center, or left." Both of us answered left. Next the professor vocally assumed in front of the class we were both pro-choice (I am unsure of the other students position). This was one of many times, the professor explained her political view, voicing her "disappointment" in the Black Lives Matter movement and the Women's March following the inauguration. Keep in mind, this class I am speaking about is an introduction course for Social Work (one of the core values is about diversity and inclusion), and not political science. For the next ten minutes, the professor explained she thought abortion was murder and it was a sin. Of course, yesterday during class a superior professor performed a peer review...we might have a more inclusive professor next week.

Final Words from HF

Whether you're pro-choice or pro-life, be respectful of all opinions. If it's better to not talk about it, don't. I have a friend who is pro-life, we have kept our close friendship (she is one of my bridesmaids, in fact) by not talking politics. My moto is "the political arena is not in your friends living room." Protest, call and write to your legislator, work to be on the ballot, and allow discussion, those are the ways to change.

Fight the good fight! Have a wonderful week!

Sincerely,

Hillbilly Feminist

Scewed Compromising

Most women I know have a disturbing habit of agreeing to a scewed compromise, including myself. Instead of choosing the best option for them, the final decision will be affected by a spouse or family. Whether it be choosing to go back to school, location to live, or a career, our choice feels as though it still isn't our own. Why is this?? Why do we have a need to please those around us? Is this a "gateway" of turning into a doormat?

While I understand the idea of "meeting in the middle," the "middle" has a scew. I'm not saying the other party is trying to manipulate or pushing for their agenda consciously, but I am saying this can create a habit of constant compromise and later resentment. Have you ever seen the show "Snapped" on the Investigative Discovery channel?

I have found myself in a pool of resentment. It's not the other party's fault, I mean I was the one who chose to compromise. BUT in the last year and a half I have decided to put my foot down. If I do not agree with the final decision, and see it does not benefit both them and ME, then it's time to go back to the drawing board and figure something out.

I challenge you to this, as well. You are the main character in your story. Act like it! If you find yourself being inconvenienced for another person, ask yourself "why?" Why should their commute be shorter? Why should their chore list be shorter, especially if you split the bills down the middle (having a vagina/being feminine doesn't equate to being a servant)? Why should you make all the meals if the bills are split (once again, having a vagina/being feminine doesn't equate to mandated cooking duty)?

Also, if you read those questions and discover, "Wait, my partner does all of this." You have entered the first stage of realizing things are not equal in your relationship. I'm not here to tell you what a "proper relationship should look like, but if both of you are working and splitting bills then maybe, just maybe, other responsibilities should be, as well. I know several couples where one spouse in the relationship has  taken  full advantage of compromiser. Just so some future trolls can calm down before they get a workout on their keyboard, I 100% disagree with this, as well. If you're a stay-at-home spouse whose job it is to clean up the house (or whatever) and your partner is comfortable with the situation, cool beans! If you're a stay-at-home mom/dad, first of all thank you for doing one of the toughest jobs out there and second I'm assuming that was a decision made by you and your partner together.

BUT if you're taking advantage of a situation that only benefits you, you are kind of being an a-hole and infringing on someone's resources/life. Why do that? Be an independent badass. Honestly, it's one of the most empowering things to be. Relying on someone to do everything, may screw you over in the end. The worst part is there's no excuse. You can't blame the ending of a relationship on them not having money or being lazy, because then you'd be a hypocrite. No one likes a hypocrite.

Scewed compromising for the person you love with full consent (gotta love that word!) and awareness of the outcome is one thing, but making a habit of it without a following, more balanced compromise can put a relationship in a downward spiral. For instance, my fiancé and I live a decent drive away from my job and school, but this compromise allows him to get free training for his future career (his training is based on location). Our more balanced compromise is moving closer to my job and school (about 30 minutes less of a commute).

I hope my words have either inspired you to stand by what you want, along with understanding benefits should be seen on both sides of a compromise. Just always remember, you're the protagonist in your life. You are important and should speak up if you want change.

Side note, if you're in the US and intend on marching this Saturday, be safe! Also, if there are protestors on the other side, remember why we're marching! Have a wonderful week!

Sincerely,
Hillbilly Feminist

Being a Feminist AND Engaged

When I first became engaged to my amazing man hunk, I had some major conflicts to settle within myself. First, would I change my name? Second, who am I going to piss off when I make my decision?

I, personally, enjoy the idea of changing my name. It won't be a new me, I'm already way too awesome to start that over. However, it will kick start a new chapter in my life. As expected, my mother, and the general feminist ideology, do not find the idea so pleasant. For the last six months, this battle has been rolling around my head.

In an article on Bustle by Bibi Deitz, the idea of changing your name can be seen as a feminist act. Changing my name is a choice that can only be decided by me. Who is going to the DMV? I am. Who is going to the Social Security office? I am. Who is changing their information with their employer? I am. The choice must be made before the actions. Although it may not align with most feminists' ideology concerning marriage, it is a personal choice that should be respected. Shaming each other won't do any good. If it is seen as wrong by someone, how does shaming help? Two wrongs do not make a right. ("Wrong" is relative in this statement.) 

One of my favorite values is respecting choices of others. It is no ones position to make up someones mind, and vice versa. This, however, creates a lot of conflict between the feminist I have grown into and the culture around me. 

The Ozarks is made up of mostly Scotch-Irish and German (on the northern parts). The idea of a woman being submissive, especially in public, has been bred in our culture for generations. (Even though I have plenty of stories from older generations about women being the dominate partner behind closed doors, concerning finances and discipline.) The perception of an obedient and quiet woman has been drooled over by men in every culture, ours just had isolation to allow that mentality to stay for as long as it has. (Native Americans were even wary of some parts of the Ozarks due to terrain.)

Although, in my mind, I know the practice is patriarchal and only enables the system to stay in place, I have been raised with the tradition a woman takes her forever love's name when she takes his hand. As much as I want to say "I would never do that" or "My name doesn't need to change to be in harmony with someone," my feelings don't align with those statements. I enjoy the idea of having my husband's last name for unity with future offspring, which is a super controversial statement.

Jill Filipovic wrote an article explaining if changing your surname was a valid reason for unity "make it the wife's." Many women are beginning to not change their surname. According to the New York Times in 2015, approximately 20 percent of women married around the time kept their surnames, higher than the 14 percent from the 1980s. From my personal experience, this revolution has not spread in the Ozarks, especially more rural areas. The majority of women I know that have recently gotten married has changed their surname to the husband's. 

Another idea is to reject using the phrase "maiden name," whether you change your name or not. Brita Long explain in her article "I Didn't Keep My Maiden Name" that although she did not change her name she refuses to refer to her last name as a "maiden name." She goes into detail about the history of the phrase and that even keeping your last name can still be degrading by referring to your last name being "unmarried" and "virgin."

As you have read, this is not the easiest decision to make. I'm sure people from with any of the opinions listed will have a few things to say to me along with a wagging finger. All I have to say is, I will respect your choices, so please respect mine.

As for my final verdict on what my surname will be...I guess we'll all find out in six months.

Have a wonderful week! 

Sincerely,

Hillbilly Feminist

Oh Yeah, I Said 'Feminist'

It is amazing how offended people get when someone says "feminist." I could literally hear people's butt holes pucker and see their eyes go wide from fear of the two hour speech on 21st century feminism ideology. When some hear the "f" word, the image of strong willed woman who have never used a razor and doesn't wear a bra pop in their head. This woman is yelling and slashing down all of the men in sight. As much as I admire this made up woman, this is normally not the case.

People, especially men, have been trained to fear the growth of power among women in society. If you ask me, which you are if you're reading this, that is freaking ridiculous! Women getting equal rights implies things will then be, well, equal. We are not planning on putting men in chains or having public castrations. My only advice is they need to calm the fuck down!

When I first told my fiance of my feminist ways, he was a wee bit nervous. Before he asked about the length of my armpit hair, I asked him if he believed in equal rights and pay for women. He said, "Yes, of course." With a big grin on my face and hands on my hips, I informed him, he in fact was also a feminist (he still won't admit it....for now).

Within the past year, I have embraced my feminist-ness, especially during the election. Women have fought and died for us to vote, why waste that? Keep their voices alive. Increasing rights and awareness is started with votes. Policy change is not simple and needs people to come out and vote!

Women in the U.S. have worked hard to get where we are. According to Wikipedia (don't forget to donate!), there have been three waves of feminism - suffrage, cultural, and global feminism. Most recently, we have entered a fourth wave concerning reproductive rights, male feminism, and support for transgender peoples. These are some scary times, politically speaking. Stay aware and be an informed citizen. That can be your biggest weapon against injustice!

Last thought, don't be ashamed of being a feminist. Shout it from the top of a roof top if you want to! Instead of being scared of what others will think, show them there should be no fear of equality.

Have a great week, ya'll!

Sincerely,
Hillbilly Feminist

Be 100% You (Video)

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

"You are you! That is truer than true! No one alive can be you-er than you!" -Dr. Seuss

"Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland

You are beautiful and deserve respect! No one has the right to tear you down. You have the right to walk away from that person without a blink.

I hope this message can find some people who are struggling with their confidence or is an environment filled with disrespect and degradation.

Keep your head up high and show the world just how bad ass you truly are!

Sincerely,
Hillbilly Feminist