Scewed Compromising

Most women I know have a disturbing habit of agreeing to a scewed compromise, including myself. Instead of choosing the best option for them, the final decision will be affected by a spouse or family. Whether it be choosing to go back to school, location to live, or a career, our choice feels as though it still isn't our own. Why is this?? Why do we have a need to please those around us? Is this a "gateway" of turning into a doormat?

While I understand the idea of "meeting in the middle," the "middle" has a scew. I'm not saying the other party is trying to manipulate or pushing for their agenda consciously, but I am saying this can create a habit of constant compromise and later resentment. Have you ever seen the show "Snapped" on the Investigative Discovery channel?

I have found myself in a pool of resentment. It's not the other party's fault, I mean I was the one who chose to compromise. BUT in the last year and a half I have decided to put my foot down. If I do not agree with the final decision, and see it does not benefit both them and ME, then it's time to go back to the drawing board and figure something out.

I challenge you to this, as well. You are the main character in your story. Act like it! If you find yourself being inconvenienced for another person, ask yourself "why?" Why should their commute be shorter? Why should their chore list be shorter, especially if you split the bills down the middle (having a vagina/being feminine doesn't equate to being a servant)? Why should you make all the meals if the bills are split (once again, having a vagina/being feminine doesn't equate to mandated cooking duty)?

Also, if you read those questions and discover, "Wait, my partner does all of this." You have entered the first stage of realizing things are not equal in your relationship. I'm not here to tell you what a "proper relationship should look like, but if both of you are working and splitting bills then maybe, just maybe, other responsibilities should be, as well. I know several couples where one spouse in the relationship has  taken  full advantage of compromiser. Just so some future trolls can calm down before they get a workout on their keyboard, I 100% disagree with this, as well. If you're a stay-at-home spouse whose job it is to clean up the house (or whatever) and your partner is comfortable with the situation, cool beans! If you're a stay-at-home mom/dad, first of all thank you for doing one of the toughest jobs out there and second I'm assuming that was a decision made by you and your partner together.

BUT if you're taking advantage of a situation that only benefits you, you are kind of being an a-hole and infringing on someone's resources/life. Why do that? Be an independent badass. Honestly, it's one of the most empowering things to be. Relying on someone to do everything, may screw you over in the end. The worst part is there's no excuse. You can't blame the ending of a relationship on them not having money or being lazy, because then you'd be a hypocrite. No one likes a hypocrite.

Scewed compromising for the person you love with full consent (gotta love that word!) and awareness of the outcome is one thing, but making a habit of it without a following, more balanced compromise can put a relationship in a downward spiral. For instance, my fiancé and I live a decent drive away from my job and school, but this compromise allows him to get free training for his future career (his training is based on location). Our more balanced compromise is moving closer to my job and school (about 30 minutes less of a commute).

I hope my words have either inspired you to stand by what you want, along with understanding benefits should be seen on both sides of a compromise. Just always remember, you're the protagonist in your life. You are important and should speak up if you want change.

Side note, if you're in the US and intend on marching this Saturday, be safe! Also, if there are protestors on the other side, remember why we're marching! Have a wonderful week!

Sincerely,
Hillbilly Feminist