Glory of a "Me Date"

We all now the cliche "you can't truly love someone, until you love yourself." I'm here to agree with that over used saying. I am a young female student who also happens to be engaged. While I enjoy dates with my man hunk, I look forward to what I like to call my "me dates." In fact, I had one today consisting of having some coffee on Springfield's downtown followed taking my lunch to go to the hookah lounge down the street. The only thing to take up my attention was people watching, writing to my lovely readers, and getting engulfed in a zombie trilogy. The tunes playing through my headphones brought to life The Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, Led Zeppelin, Queen, and all the greats.


A year ago, going to the movie theaters or eating in a restaurant (not fast-food) by myself would never happen. My self-doubt would flare up; "What if someone hits on me?", "What if I get kidnapped?!", and the all too familiar "What if people think I'm sad?".

Well, here are my responses to those pesky insecurities;

"What if someone hits on me?"
Uhhh, no thank you. I'm not interested, have a great day. (I refuse to use my relationship status as a reason or excuse to turn someone down. I simply don't want to be apart of that conversation, so no.)

"What if I get kidnapped?!"
Movies and documentaries have trained me well (along with my mother). I have some handy pepper spray. I do not need other people with me constantly to provide safety. I am not a child or incapable of taking care of myself, instead I am a grown ass woman who is aware of safety precautions (blog to come). Keep in my mind, though, my "me dates" do not include walking in dark alleys or shady clubs.

"What if people think I'm sad?"
Now this is ridiculous. When looking back on every time I've gone to the movies or out to eat and saw someone by themselves, I never thought "Wow, they need a hug." I would just smile their direction and continue on with my business. Most of the time, they would smile back. "Me dates" tend to reset my mood for the rest of the week, making it better for me and everyone around me.

Don't be afraid to date yourself! Whether you're single, in a relationship, or have been married for a decade, you are the main character in your story. Remember you are important! Hopefully, a nice "me date" will give you a chance to see just how amazing you are.

Have a great day, lovely readers!

Sincerely,
Hillbilly Feminist

Equality for All, Not Just "Us"

We need each other to progress.

A little tidbit about myself. I am a pre-admission Social Work student at Missouri State University (MSU) in Springfield, MO. I am so far, yet so close to finishing this forever degree. I have an Associates of Degree in Teaching and spent my practicum in the Chadwick (super tiny town southeast of Springfield, MO) school district. My time in Chadwick and Springfield has given me prospective from two completely different views of the Ozarks. While Chadwick has the mentality "everyone knows each other" and might be kin somewhere down the line, Springfield on the other hand let's people be individuals without the stigma of their last name or other family member's actions. While Chadwick will rally of it's citizens to help one of their own, Springfield citizens might be more cautious of helping every individual they see with a need. Both communities have issues, but both have beautiful attributes. Being aware of both the problems and beauty can keep advocates, activists, and policy makers sane.

Picture from transitioningtome.blogspot.com

There are so many social issues being addressed today, such as LGBT rights, domestic violence victim advocacy, homelessness, poverty and many more. All of these issues are extremely important, not only to people being directly affected, but also to those living in this area. Some people see these issues as separate social problems that need to be acknoledged and remedied. I believe the opposite. Social issues tend to not effect one person at a time, instead, it may be a chain reaction. For example, a 17 year old who lives in a rural area comes out to their parents who are not accepting. The teenager may then be kicked out and be forced to be homeless. Due to lack of resources for the homeless in the rural area, the young teen comes to Springfield for shelter (since the teenager is 17, social services may not be called). Or a 23 year old female is in a co-abusive relationship (meaning both partners are abusive to each other). After a heavy night of drinking, the female is beaten to a point of needing to receive emergency services. However, the female does not have a job that provides insurance or makes enough money to go to a clinic. (For this specific case, if she did go to the hospital, a police officer would be called to investigate the industry.) Instead, her injuries are not seen to and neither is her safety.

Above is only two examples of hundreds. As advocates, activists, and policy makers it is our duty to ensure equality of income, assets, rights, and safety for all, not just the group you are apart of.
Thank you to all of the people out there fighting the good fight. Protect self, group, and community!

Sincerely,
Hillbilly Feminist

Guilty Feminist Moment #1

Everyone has morals and values that people may not be able to follow 100% of the time. I am not immune to this fact, especially, when living in an area that tends to have opposite viewpoints. Although I would like to say I don't wear bras, use shaving razors, or own makeup, I utilize all three. I would like to think being a feminist does not control what you do in every aspect. (This post was inspired by a UK Podcast, The Guilty Feminist. Check them out!)

Now let's get on with it....

My worst flaw is apologizing for nonsensical things, especially, to males.  The other day a random guy knocked into me and I apologized to him.......I to HIM! 😠 His response - "don't worry about it." About 30 minutes later I realized just exactly how messed up that dialog was. 

In that situation, I don't blame the random guy for accepting an apology to his mistake. However, I learned to not apologize unless someone was harmed by me. Otherwise, there is no reason to say "I'm sorry" a million times throughout the day. 

Another thing I've been working on is not apologizing for someone being sad or upset due to another person's actions. How does that make sense?!? 🙀 I understand the purpose, however, taking responsibility for something that has hurt someone else is not productive or appropriate to the definition of "apologize." 

apologize

[uh-pol-uh-jahyz] 

verb (used without object), apologized, apologizing.

1.

to offer an apology or excuse for some fault, insult, failure, or injury:

He apologized for accusing her falsely.

2.

to make a formal defense in speech or writing.

According to the Dictionary.com definition of apologize, it means making an excuse for an action made to someone else or to make a defense. Sooo....that does not justify apologizing for anything that goes a little bit wrong throughout the day. Don't get me wrong, I will still apologize too much throughout the day. My goal is to minimize the amount of times it is said. 

Well, folks, wish me luck! If you find any neat ways to prevent the "s" word to be said too much, feel free to write it in a comment. Farewell for now.

Sincerely,

Hillbilly Feminist

What's up, bra?

Let's get straight to the point, what is the deal with the mysterious yet still revealing bra? Not only are they the most accepted product used by women but advertised for the pleasure of men (I don't care how much wind breezes past the model wearing your product, I care if it will keep all my goods in one spot), but it also provides some great material for slut shaming by other women (blog to come).

Well folks, guess what! Bras are not as magical as most of us think. According to a study done over 15 years with 330 women, bras just make your boobies more sad 😢 (IFLScience). Per this study, bras don't allow breasts to create supporting breast tissue, resulting in more sag than what would have taken place without a lifetime of money spent at Victoria Secret. So in you and me terms, without bras, boobs adapt to gravity...SCIENCE!

This doesn't mean I'm going to quit wearing shoulder boulder holders (I'm already balls deep in believing "bras make you look better"), but it is nice to know when you're being taken advantage of by a multi-billion dollar company. This can also be seen with razor blades, shaving cream, and the brand new Bic Pens for Her (blogs to come).

Also, by no means should all women take off their bra, take a quick stroll to the burn pit and throw it in there. In my opinion, if a bra makes you feel comfortable then wear it (I will be). On the other hand, if you are more comfortable without one, then I applaud you for taking that extra step towards saying "F you society and bra industry" (intentionally or not). 👌

I hope all could find some insight from this. Be proud of your body, perky or saggy!

Sincerely,
Hillbilly Feminist

Fart Without Shame

As most of you know, burping and farting is notably "unlady" like. Let this year be the year you proudly fart and burp, even in front of your boyfriend/girlfriend of a couple months, long distance stuck up family, and family friends who won't use the restroom at your house in fear someone will smell a serious bm. Normalize body functions, because it is normal!

Happy Thanksgiving Eve and let the air flow! 

Sincerely,
Hillbilly Feminist

Overnight Thought

Time for a caffeine induced night rant. If you're from the Ozarks, you have probably noticed the overwhelming amount of women and, less commonly reported, men on the bad end of an abusive relationship (i.e. physical, verbal, sexual, and/or mental). Why does this happen? Why is it so difficult to step in? Why is it when you do try to help the person being abused, they withdrawal from you?

Well folks, from my experience as a volunteer victim advocate (started in February 2015) and short stint working at a rural domestic violence shelter, I've learned the erosion of a person's confidence and sense of self worth does not start when they are first hit or belittled by their significant other. It starts at a young age when they see their mother being beat with no one stepping in and everyone using the excuse "I don't want to get involved." It starts when they are touched inappropriately by an adult they trusted and was too scared to tell anyone because people wouldn't believe them or would "see them differently." It starts with a lack of education, resources, and, most importantly, protection for the victim (however, this has improved some since the 1990s).

The Ozarks culture has trained us to love and protect our family (a relative idea), go to church every week, and to mind our own business. It's time to make victims' safety our business! Be an advocate for your neighbor, sister, cousin, or even town grocer! While breaking down doors and whisking victims away to a shelter seems the easiest route to take (definitely not the most legal), it continues to take away control from them. Start by being a friend and showing your arms are open to them. It's a process to rebuild confidence, especially if they are still in the abusive relationship.

Imagine for years you have been taught by your family and spouse you have to drink water from a plastic cup. Anytime you didn't drink water from a plastic cup, you would get yelled at or hit. Then imagine a friend invites you over and says you can drink from a plastic cup or glass cup, there is no difference. It's your choice! Of course in the beginning you're going to use the plastic cup and be uncomfortable with having the unpunishable option to use a glass cup. With support from your friend and learning to trust them, you will slowly use the glass cup more and more. Eventually, you might have the mindset to use a glass cup anytime you damn well please.

The victim may have no idea abuse is not meant to be involved in a relationship and not being allowed to make any choices strips them of independence, especially if their childhood home life also involved domestic violence. Once a friend says to them "you shouldn't be treated that way" or "what an asshole, you deserve better," it might be taken as an attack on everything they know and understand about relationships. It takes time and support for someone to rebuild their sense of self worth. Help the victim build themselves to be a survivor. Try not to waste energy on bad talking the abuser. This can be counterproductive and, remember, more than likely there were happy moments at one point in the relationship.

According to The Hotline, victims will leave an average of seven times before leaving for good. Everytime a victim leaves a domestic violence situation, the dangers increase. Control means power, and the abuser loses more and more power when the victim becomes a survivor. At minimum, the victim will know this subconsciously.

Although you may be frustrated or mentally exhausted as an advocate, keep in mind you may be the only person giving them support and understanding. You may be the difference between the victim leaving an abusive relationship or becoming one of many to die as a result of domestic violence. But no pressure! Literally, just be a shoulder. Listen. Love. Be there.

Anyways, I got a little intense. Please, check out The Victim Center for free services for any victims of a crime, including survivors of childhood abuse and domestic violence.

Sincerely,
Hillbilly Femenist

And It Begins

Even though I was born and raised in one of the most conservative areas in the country, I've always had a mindset different from the rest. My mom has always raised me to believe women can do anything a man can do and, more than likely, better. Being raised by a single mom and never seeing her depend on anyone, especially a man, solidified the feminist idea to me (even though I didn't know what that was at the time). I found out quickly most other young girls and boys did not get the same lessons from their parents. Since my late teens, I have frequently vented to my mom how frustrated I am with the "a woman should stay in her place" mentality coveted by many in the Ozarks. I wanted to escape to one of the coasts. Well a few weeks ago, she asked me, "Why run away from all of the ignorance when you can SHOW them what women can do?" Right then I had a light bulb moment!

In this blog, I will interview women in the Ozarks who have made a difference for women and the community by collaborating, taking charge, and being an overall badass.